i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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