Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I am available for nakedness
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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