hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
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