Just fell off a train. Bad.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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