she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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