you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
