There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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