The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
