Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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