I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
