I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
