Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
