i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
