Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
