having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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