Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
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