I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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