Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
