I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
