What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
