Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
