You're my little dorito
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
