Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
