The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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