We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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