Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
