I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
