I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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