Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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