Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
