Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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