What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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