I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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