I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Im part way to drunk.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
