I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
im on a boat
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