I'll bet she douches with gravy.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
