so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
smell my finger.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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