It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm just crazy horny about you
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
