Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
