Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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