If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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