Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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