I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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