so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You are a genius and a whore.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
