Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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