Rock
Scissors
Fuck
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
