ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
