i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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