Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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