I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
