She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
