apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
