I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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