I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
